Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Drunk is a universal language darling
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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