what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
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