You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
either way he was missing a nipple.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
