just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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