One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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