my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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