OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
