there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
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