The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
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