I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
