You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Randomize
