he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
