Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
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