She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Randomize
