Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
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