this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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