my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
