could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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