That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
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