I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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