The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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