You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
