Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Randomize
