Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
