Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
