matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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