wake up i wanna do it froggy style
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Randomize
