It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Randomize
