u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
