you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Randomize
