life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I yelled at your uterus for you.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
