Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Randomize
