FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Say something about gay babies.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
