all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
