Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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