Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
