Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
