Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
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