Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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