We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
