a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize
