Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Randomize
