He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
