dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
