3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
