I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
