kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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