I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
