SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
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