You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
