The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Randomize
