i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
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