At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
