I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
