You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
