When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
