Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Randomize
