so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
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