boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Randomize
