I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Dear god my vagina.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize