why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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