So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
