she looked like the before picture.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
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She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
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You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
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