My girlfriend figured out who you are.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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