having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Let's paint friendship bongs
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
