It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
im on a boat
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