Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
