Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
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